Over the past two years, I’ve had time to think through many things in my life. After I moved home, I began working with a therapist to deal with what happened at Harvard and the indoctrination of my past. As time progressed, I began to feel less assured in declaring that there isn’t something more out there. I don’t believe as I did in childhood or as a fundamentalist, but I do believe that there is something more, something spiritual. I’m ok with not being able to define everything, not in a blind faith manner, but with an honest belief where questions are a part of the experience. For most of my life I believed that doubt was the opposite of faith, but that’s not true. I agree with what philosopher and theologian Paul Tillich said about faith and doubt,
“Doubt is not the opposite of faith: it is one element of it.”
My beliefs are very progressive. My goal is not to indoctrinate but to do what I’ve always done: advocate for the acceptance of people no matter who they are and what they believe. I’m not interested in being a pastor, just someone who can make the world safer for people to be themselves without fear. This post and the recording on my website doesn’t explain everything. It’s impossible to shrink my journey down to a short article or a 25 minute talk. Maybe I’ll have an opportunity in the future to share with a longer amount of time. If that happens, I’ll record the talk and post it for you.
I am in a church now, playing keys in the band, leading a group for people who have doubts and questions, and working to help people struggling with issues of doubt and faith. The people in my church are excited about the possibilities to really help with no strings attached, and I’m happy here. I don’t have a ‘master plan’ in place for my future. My goal has been to simply work quietly in this community, and help those who reach out to me. That’s still my desire. I’m not interested in being “famous” or building any sort of empire. I don’t want to make a big deal out of this. I’ve been in that situation before…I didn’t like it then and I don’t want it now.
Someone emailed me this morning, and let me know that an article about my situation was online. I guess that’s to be expected. I’m not sure what happens now. For me, I’m just going to keep leading my small group for skeptics, playing keys in the band, work on completing my degree, and living my life out in the country.
Hopefully this helps explain things a little better. I want to thank all of you who have contacted me. I really appreciate the encouragement and support. You’re amazing friends and I hope that never changes.